While I have been aware of my Ophidiophobia, I recently discovered that I am also not a fan of darkness. I am not talking about the normal darkness one encounters at night time. I am talking about complete darkness. Blackness everywhere.
I went on a hike with family and friends a few weeks ago to the Ape Caves, also known as Mt. St. Helens lava tube. I had never been inside a cave before and I had no idea we were going to be hiking inside the caves. John had told me to wear warm clothes and we all had a flashlight, but I thought we were hiking to some cave and exploring it for a bit.
We parked outside of the Ape Caves, I situated Sariah in the Ergo, made sure I had my flashlight and walked toward the cave. I went down the metal stairs and turned on my flashlight because I already couldn't see much down there. I took a few steps forward and wanted to turn around, walk up the stairs and be done with the experience. I fought my feelings and told myself that I needed to give my eyes a bit of time to adjust to the dark and everything was going to be fine. I continued to walk forward, climbing rocks while my body felt cold and hot at the same time.
It didn't take much time for me to come to the conclusion that my eyes were not going to adjust to the present darkness...because there was truly no light in the cave to adjust to. I was tense and cold and hot and I kelp talking about how much I was hating every minute in the cave. Sariah started crying, not because she was bothered by the darkness and she was well bundled, so I knew she was warm enough, but she could feel my stress. In the middle of a cave, I unstrapped the carrier and handed it and Sariah to John - baby girl hardly made a sound when she was close to her daddy.
I decided that since natural light was most likely not going to magically appear inside the cave, I had to get to the other side as fast as I could. I didn't take the time to look around and I didn't want to experience any more darkness, but as we moved more into the cave and got ahead of another group of hikers, John told us to turn off our flashlights. We all did and I stood in one of the darkest places on earth. It felt like there was no light in the universe. It felt lonely and cold. It felt empty and scary. It felt lifeless.
I remembered the story of creation in the Bible and thought about the moment God created light. "And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day." Genesis 1:3-5
I also remembered that God calls his children to be light in the world. "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16
Hiking the Ape Caves was not one of my favorite life experiences, but it sure taught me about the importance and beauty of light in an unforgettable way.
***John took all the photos - I was too focused on getting to the other side of the caves to see anything noteworthy.
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