Being Her Mother

I remember feeling nervous about motherhood when I first found out a little person was growing inside of me. I was afraid of messing this little life up in a million different ways. That little person is now a toddler who likes to imitate me - which is adorable and terrifying. It is cute that she tries to walk around the house wearing my heals, it is cute that she 'takes photos' with my phone, it is cute that she tries to put on my pearl necklace. It is not so cute that she also imitates my not-so-great behavior as well.

Having Sariah around is like having a 24-7 shadow that is helping me change in really hard, but good ways. I am working on remaining calm when her tiny self is throwing a fit about something insignificant for the 5th time today because she needs to learn that there are other ways to deal with frustrating situations. I am working on understanding and respecting John because she needs to see what it is like to love and be loved. I am working on eating healthier because she needs to discover that there is more to life than eating bread. I am putting my phone away when I spend time with her because she needs to feel that I truly want to be with her.

Being a mother is hard and at times I feel so intimidated and inadequate.

But I am changing for the better and I am thankful that being Sariah's mother has given me more than enough motivation to change in really hard and good ways.

You Have Called Me Higher

This song has been on my lips all day and the more I sing it the more I want to declare to the Lord that I will be his for all my life. He has called me and I will go where he will lead me. 

All Sons & Daughters - You Have Called Me Higher Lyrics

I could just sit

I could just sit and wait for all your goodness

Hope to feel your presence

And I could just stay

I could just stay right where I am and hope to feel you

Hope to feel something again

And I could hold on

I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside

And I could be safe

I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home

Never let these walls down

But you have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you will lead me Lord

You have called me higher

You have called me deeper

And I will go where you lead me Lord

Where you lead me

Where you lead me Lord

And I will be Yours

I will be Yours for all my life

So let Your mercy light the path before me

Where did My Mojo Go?

I am feeling so tired these days it is hard to find motivation to do anything. Where did my mojo go?

I do run around with my 18 month old all day and I have managed to still clean, do the laundry, cook and keep up with photography responsibilities, but I am completely exhausted at the end of the day. I miss the energetic me.

Could it be the lack of sun and warmth? I should need to move to Hawaii!

I have never enjoyed the dark, rainy days of the Pacific Northwest, but I feel like the weather impacts me more deeply as I get older - one would think I would be used to it by now. But instead, I wake up, look outside, see dark clouds and immediately want to go back to bed. I declared today would be "sweats" day and I still have not brushed my hair...it probably won't happen until tomorrow.

I am not sure where my mojo went or if it will return with the sun, but for now, I am meditating on these words:

Isaiah 40:30-31

Even youths grow tired and weary,

    and young men stumble and fall;

 

but those who hope in the Lord

    will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

    they will run and not grow weary,

    they will walk and not be faint.

ReMoved

Tears streaming down. Sometimes truth and reality are shared in a way that impact me so deeply that I am left completely humbled...and I know I will never be the same:

I am Feramir

I laughed when I read "opinionated" ... but John tells me it's true.

It May be Cold Outside...

...but these people melt me!

It Happened to Me

A friend of mine just recently wrote about a few things she learned while cleaning up her son's vomit and while reading her blog post I thought that I was lucky because Sariah had never vomited. Sure, she spit-up after nursing for months, but the clean up was minimal and normally only required a change of onesie or bib.

But today, it happened to me. I mean, it happened to Sariah and so it happened to me as well.

That is right. This post is about one of those not-so-pretty parts of parenthood...

After a few dark and rainy days, I woke up excited that the sun was out and we could finally go on a long walk. I got ready, we had breakfast and I had just changed her diaper, put on her jacket and shoe when she started coughing and I knew more was to come. Sariah vomited all over herself, all over me, all over the carpet and as I rubbed her back and told her she would be okay, I kept thinking: What am I going to do?

I hate vomit.

I have not vomited since I was a small child.

The sight of vomit makes me gag. Really, the thought of vomit makes me gag.

I didn't know what to do, so I prayed aloud.

I took off all my clothes and all her clothes and pilled everything on top of the dirty carpet and proceeded to take care of my little girl.

I am often amazed at the ways parenthood brings me to the feet of Jesus because I cannot do it on my own. It took prayer for me to get over my "I hate vomit" moment and I am so glad that I can pray about big things and things that may even sound silly, like vomit.

Vomit happened all over me today, and as a result I happened to find myself at Jesus' feet asking for the kind of strength I cannot come up with on my own. I praise Jesus that I was somehow able to take care of Sariah and clean everything up without crying or dying.

Mommy and Baby Time

Have I mentioned that I love being a mother?

Well, I really do!

Spending time with this little one is such a gift!

John took these photos - which I love - shortly after we woke up and neither one of us had brushed our hair yet. I hope these candid photos will help me remember the little moments of everyday life that are so precious to me.

She's Worth It

I have an almost 16 month old who does not stand still for more than two seconds. My little girl has an adventurous spirit and enough energy to climb Mt. Everest. She explores all day long and she likes it when I explore with her.

So, what do I do all day long?

I spend most of my day exploring this world with her.

We go on walks: pick up sticks, leaves and rocks, we say 'hi' to all the kitties and doggies we see, we color, we empty the dishwasher together, we read books (she flips through the pages before I can finish reading one sentence), we dance and we sing, we build towers with Legos and wooden blocks, we fold laundry, we eat yummy things, we play chase, we practice going down the stairs, etc. We do a lot together.

Whenever I leave Sariah with a family member or friend I always come back to hear the same question: "How do you get anything done? She never stops moving!"

The answer to that questions is always: "Well, I don't get much done during the day."

With Sariah's help, I can get a few loads of laundry done, I can load and unload the dishwasher and I can even vacuum at times...but in general, I am not super productive when she is awake and I am okay with that!

You see, I was used to being SUPER productive before I had a baby. I loved writing a To Do list for the week and crossing everything off as I got it all done. I had time to do what I wanted (even though I wished I had more time to do this and that). When Sariah was born, a part of me felt like my life was over. I was frustrated and ashamed to feel that way; after all, aren't mothers supposed to enjoy spending time with their newborns?!?!

I loved being with her from the minute she was born, but I couldn't get anything done that made me feel stressed and useless.

I wanted her to be happy sitting in her bouncy chair so I could clean, cook dinner, finish a photography session, write a few cards, read a few pages, etc. But all she wanted was for me to hold her...and I couldn't even reply to an email when I was holding her.

It didn't take long for me to realize that my desire to be productive was leading me to being frustrated with my baby all day and night long. It was in the middle of a very frustrating moment when I decided that I din't want to be just a mother, I want to be a great mother; a mother who enjoys being with her child. A mother who is able to put the To Do list aside in order to soak up these little years. So I stopped trying to be productive and started enjoying the time I have with my daughter.

I try to get as much as I can during nap time and after bed time, but my home is not as neat and clean as it used to be, the emails sit in my inbox longer than I like, our meals are simpler, I wear make-up for special occasions...but she's worth it! My almost 16 month old will not always want to explore this world with me so I choose to enjoy every minute we have together until then.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.” John 1:1-5

~

We are so thankful to have Jesus as our light! Many times this last year we prayed that He would light our paths so that we may follow His will.

As new parents, we entered 2013 hoping to find a routine and sense of normalcy, but we discovered that life with a baby is always a great adventure! Sariah is a ball of energy and never ceases to surprise us with her extroverted personality. We can already tell that Sariah is a people lover and has the ability to bring joy to anyone who interacts with her. She is also incredibly persistent and in many ways challenges our patience, but we pray that God will guide us as we teach her to honor her heavenly Father with her all strengths – including her persistence.

Danielly continues to love mommyhood and completely melts every time Sariah calls her “Mama”. She is enjoying getting to know other moms through MOPS and is so thankful for the women who have been a great source of encouragement and wisdom this past year. Danielly had the opportunity to dive into photography once again this past summer and although it was hard to balance all the different areas of life, she is excited for the new experiences and challenges that are helping her become a better photographer. If you would like to see some of her current work, visit: http://www.DaniellyNobile.com

John is thankful for his job at Logos Bible Software and continues to gain more responsibilities as the company grows beyond anyone’s expectations. There is so much to do and not enough people! Some of John’s dreams came true this past autumn as he took Sariah on hikes near Mt. Baker and showed her a little bit of God’s amazing creation. Sariah loves going on adventures with her dada. The guys’ small group that John leads has been going strong for a year and a half and God has proven faithful time and time again. As each member grows closer to the others, they have been able encourage one another more and more effectively. It is wonderful to see!

This past year presented unexpected challenges and the roller-coaster of life took us upside down a few times, but we are thankful that Jesus is our hope and our strength; His light shines in the midst of our darkness.

We hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and we wish you the best for 2014!

Blessings,
John, Danielly and Sariah Nobile

A New Year and a New Normal?!?

Life has felt a little pretty crazy these last few weeks and I am looking forward to a new year and hopefully a new sense of normalcy.

Almost a month ago, John and I (with the help of a lot of people) packed our things and moved to a new home. Our new home needed some TLC and we will forever be thankful to our family and friends who helped us clean, paint walls, paint doors, fix stuff, etc before we moved. That was a lot of work!

Despite all the help, moving and settling down has still been overwhelming - especially with an active toddler around.

Sariah put her never ending energy to use when we moved and constantly removed things from boxes and spread them everywhere possible.  Whenever I managed to put the belongings from a box in its correct place, I turned around to find everything back on the ground again as Sariah did her own rearranging.

I decided unpacking was only going to happen during nap time and after bed time...but bed time became an issue.

The nights were long as we helped Sariah get used to her new room which she refused to sleep in. Sariah has slept in her own room since she turned two months old, but the new bedroom with new lights and new smells was too different for her. John and I brought her to bed with us and she slept and snored while we tried to keep ourselves from falling off the bed because somehow out little girl takes up a huge amount of bed space when sleeping.

I wished I could go on a 'sleep vacation'...and then I slept even less.

When we felt a little bit more settled, John started having headaches that would not go away despite all our efforts and after 5 days of unbearable pain, we ended up in the ER hoping a CAT Scan would give us hopeful results.

I prayed and I asked God for strength, love, patience and wisdom...He had never failed me before and I trusted Him.

We were thankful to find out that John had an acute sinus infection that needed a little help from antibiotics and while we celebrated his healing and relief of pain, Sariah started teething yet again and spent most of her days crying, biting her fingers and rubbing her snotty face all over me.

I stopped attempting to be productive and spent my days and nights holding and comforting my baby girl...I am still not getting anything done.

Life has been crazy but the Lord has sustained me. He has held everything together when I thought life was going to collapse like a mountain-side landslide. He has helped me get up each morning and be what I need to be during each day.

Life has been crazy and hard but I am hoping for a new sense of normalcy in the new year.

Truth in the Coke Ad

I just watched this coke ad four times in a row because in so many ways it tells the story of my life (although baby #2 is not on its way...at least not yet).

http://www.fastcocreate.com/3023400/this-new-coke-ad-totally-captures-the-reality-of-early-parenthood

Abigail Smith

I am so inspired by Abigail Smith and her legacy of hope: http://vimeo.com/57246376, http://vimeo.com/81277084. The last few weeks have been hard and we have been battling a lot of sickness, but Abigail reminded me tonight that my hope and strength come from God, that in my weakness He makes me strong.

"And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Thankful

Day 1: Thankful for John's lovely massages and the way he so willingly rubs my tired body at the end of the day.
Day 2: Thankful for  family visits during rainy weekends.
Day 3: Thankful for friends and their hospitality.
Day 4: Thankful for Crock-pots.
Day 5: Thankful for MOPS.

Day 6: Thankful for worship nights with church family. 

Day 7: Thankful for a warm home during such a cold and wet Autumn day. 

Day 8: Thankful the sun came out.

Day 9: Thankful for the yummy sweet potatoes that are in the oven.
Day 10: Thankful for restful weekends.
Day 11: Thankful for my upcoming date with John.
Day 12: Thankful for women who are willing to be vulnerable in order to encourage others and be encouraged.
Day 13: Thankful for our new home.
Day 14: Thankful for some quality time with God.
Day 15: Thankful for my extrovert and joyful little girl.
Day 16: Thankful for family.
Day 17: Thankful for a warm shower and bed.
Day 18: Thankful for helping hands.
Day 19: Thankful for baby carriers.
Day 20: Thankful for the strength and peace only God can provide.
Day 21: Thankful for clean carpets.
Day 22: Thankful for my mother in law who worked so hard to help us pack and get out new home ready.
Day 23: Thankful for friends who helped us move.
Day 24: Thankful for worship at church.
Day 25: Thankful for a working kitchen.
Day 26: Thankful for my brother in law who has helped us tremendously this past week.
Day 27: Thankful for dinner with friends.
Day 28: Thankful for my mother's hard work in preparing us a delicious meal.
Day 29: Thankful for a healthy body that can fight a cold.
Day 30: Thankful for the husband that God has given me. 

Reasons Why My 14 Month Old is Throwing a Fit

• I took the glass lid away from her
• The magnets are all under the fridge because she put them there
• I turned off the water when giving her a bath
• I didn't let her play with the toilet water
• She is tired in her crib, but doesn't want to go to sleep
• I put her sweater on so we could go play outside
• The book does not have more pages
• Her toy ran out of batteries
• I told her she could not play with garbage
• The tissue box is out of tissues
• I didn't let her get inside of the dishwasher
• Daddy closed the fridge and didn't let her hang out in there
• The rock is too heavy for her to carry

This list could go on and on...

Living in the Danger Zone

When John and I found out I was pregnant, we wanted to share our baby news with everyone we knew and we wanted to do it in person, because we wanted to witness the excitement on people's faces. We also wanted to share our baby news as fast as we could because exciting news should ALWAYS be shared! We planned a special way to announce the news to our families and we called the family members and friends that were too far away for us to drive to and we giggled out of joy with them.

And then someone said...

"Oh! You are only 6 weeks along? You are still in the danger zone!"

My smile went away and I began to worry. I worried because I had no idea if our baby was going to make it to full term...I worried because miscarriages are real. I worried because I was in the danger zone.

If I could go back and relive my early pregnancy days, I would worry less and enjoy each day a little more. I would repeat the verses below every morning and I would trust God's plans for our family.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34

God has been teaching me that as Christ's child, I live in the danger zone all-the-time. Living a life of faith is the equivalent of walking into the great unknown! Danger is all around. When I opened my heart and declare to the God of the universe - "Not my will but thine" - I opened my life to all kinds of possibilities. When my desire is to bring glory to God through all circumstances, I have to get ready to bring him glory in the midst of jubilation and devastation. I have to remember that "all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Colossians 1:16-17 Trusting God is hard and it requires me to be vulnerable and humble, but it is in the midst of my nothingness that God shows me exactly how great He is. When I come to him with an abandoned heart, He shows me that the plans He has prepared for me are far better than anything I could come up with on my own. 

Sariah Faith made it to 39 weeks of gestation and was born full of life and personality. I have celebrated every day of life with her because every day with her is a gift, but I am still following Christ; asking Him to be the lamp unto my feet and the light unto my path. In other words, I am still living in the danger zone, asking him to lead me where my trust is without borders, having faith that I do not have to worry about anything.

So, here I go..."Highway to the Danger Zone...Gonna take you...Right into the Danger Zone...Highway to the Danger Zone..."

Finding Joy in the Mess

My brain works better when things are organized, clean, filed ... I am a better person when everything is in its place and my "TO DO" list has a bunch of things crossed off.

Before I had a baby, my life was neat. I had time to make things pretty and I was always on time.

Before I had a baby, I imagined being able to continue living the same life once the baby arrived. I thought that if I was organized enough, I would still be able to clean, cook, do the laundry (including loads of cloth diapers), work on photography, read my Bible, hang out with friends, go grocery shopping, paint my nails, exercise, spend quality time with my husband, work on crafts, etc.

I didn't know that my world was about to change in the most terrifying and wonderful way.

For a while, I allowed frustration to set in when I couldn't get everything done that I planned to do. My TO DO list kept growing and growing and I kept praying that God would multiply the hours like he multiplied the fish and bread in the Bible.

God didn't multiply the hours, but he provided a community through MOPS that has helped me prioritize what is most important to me. I am learning that life is a beautiful mess and it is time to embrace it!

I looked around my house yesterday and was discouraged by how messy everything looked: clean dishes waiting to be put away, dirty dishes waiting to be cleaned, a load of dirty cloth diapers waiting to be washed, clean clothes waiting to be folded, emails waiting for a response...

I wanted to pack a bag and go out, ignoring all that had to be done, but it was cold and cloudy outside and I didn't have anywhere to go. I had a choice to make: Be grumpy about my current stage of life or embrace it all with a good attitude.

I turned on some worship music (worshiping God always does good to my soul), danced with Sariah while we wore out pajamas and slowly started working on the day's TO DO list. By the end of the day, I had accomplished quite a bit - not everything - and dinner was yummy!

Night time arrived and I was tired, Sariah was tired and John was not going to be home until late, so I decided it was time to have some fun relaxation with my baby girl! I got her in the bathtub and decided to join her. She was so excited to be with me she never even played with her bath toys. We just splashed and practiced whistling and sang songs and gave hugs and kisses. We had a wonderful time!

Our time together is precious and I don't want my life's mess to get in the way of finding joy in this stage of life. Some days are better than others, but I am working on leaning on God and doing the good works that He prepared in advance for me to do!

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

Who You Are

I have watched this video a couple of times today, because one never gets tired of receiving words of encouragement.

May we never forget our worth in the eyes of our Creator. It is time to find that woman and set that woman free!

Put the Phone Away

I got a smart phone almost a year ago and I had never really cared to get one because I didn't need one. I was 100% happy with my old phone which allowed me to make phone calls and text. That was all I needed. Life was simple. However, my phone started having issues and would not receive phone calls at times...or would just shut down without any warning.

After doing some research, I found out that it was going to be cheaper to get a smart phone than to buy a feature phone through a provider. What makes a smart phone expensive is the data plan. John has a great data plan that is no longer offered to customers and he was able to add me to his plan for a decent price. So, I got a smart phone. 

Since acquiring a smart phone, my brain has become dumber because I don't have to remember half the amount of things I used to. I can get anywhere with the help of the built in GPS and maps app and I can email photos of Sariah to the world (I am sure our family members are tired of those emails).  

While a smart phone has many positives, it can also be a HUGE distraction! 

The phone is constantly reminding me that I have an unread email or I just received a text message or I scheduled an appointment for two days from now or someone's birthday is coming up. All these things can be helpful, but at times it feels like my phone is constantly demanding my attention. 

I see people on their phones all the time, everywhere and I seems that we have become our phone's slaves. This bothers me as I enjoy spending time with people. Nothing is better than face-to-face time. 

I have tried to spend time with people when I am with people. I put the phone away and choose to be present...but from time to time, I take a look at my phone to check one thing, usually the time, and then I peek in to see a few emails and check the text message I received...and then I am off to the smart phone land where people are ignored. 

I want to be better at putting the phone away and letting it stay away. I want to enjoy my time with others and be the master of my smart phone. I highly encourage you to do the same!

Afraid to Hope and Trust

God has been revealing some areas of my heart that need to be transformed and while I am excited to grow and become more like Jesus, it is overwhelming to think about it at times.

I am not sure exactly when this happened, or perhaps it happened a little at a time, but I have found that sometime in the past 8 years I steered away from hope and therefore steered away from trusting God. I have become afraid of hoping because things might not turn out the way I hoped and I have not trusted God at times because He may have different plans that I don't know or don't understand. I have promoted myself as the captain of my ship and determined to navigate where I thought best. However, being a captain of ones life is tiring and I am tired of attempting to figure it all out on my own.

It is time to step down from my self promotion and allow God to be God in my life. It is time to trust that He has perfect plans for me and for my family. It is time to hope with my whole heart, knowing that hoping passionately is exhilarating and heart-breaking at the same time...and that is how it should be.

Today I declare myself ready to embark on a journey toward the unknown and my Spirit giggles with anticipation because God is about to exercise my trust-muscles.