Two Years as a Mommy

My life changed in so many ways two years ago. 

After a fast labor and delivery, I sat in bed with a tiny person on my chest and I fell in love - nothing else mattered. I didn't care that I wasn't wearing make-up or that my hair was a mess. I forgot that a few minutes prior the contractions made me feel like I was being hit by a train again and again...

I held my daughter against my skin and I would not trade that moment for anything else in this world. 

Two years later and that tiny person is bigger, full of spunk and no longer likes to sit still for more than 2 seconds. And I love her just the same. Every day that I get to spend with her is a precious gift. 

I cannot imagine life without Sariah Faith and I so look forward to the adventures ahead! I cannot believe my tiny baby is now a two year old little girl. 

Sariah and I - 30 minutes after she was born.

A Father Like Him

Sariah Faith has no idea that not every baby has a daddy like John. She has no idea how much he loves her. She has no idea how much she has changed him.

No one can make him laugh the way she does.

No one looks at him the ways she does.

There is nothing quite like the relationship between a daddy and his little girl and seeing these two together melts me again and again.

Happy Father's Day to my John! I could not wish or hope for a better father to join me in this crazy parenthood adventure.

John and Sariah the day she was born.

Eighteen Months

I took advantage of the sunny weather to capture some of Sariah's exploration moments. Click on the link below to see more photos: 

http://daniellynobile.com/2014/03/sariah-18-months/

Sariah:

• Surprises us by saying words we didn't know she could say
• Is very observant and never misses a beat
• Likes to help put the groceries away
• Is very into her blanket and Lamb
• Notices babies wherever we go
• Points out cars, trees, trains, etc when we are driving
• Is starting to let us brush her teeth without a fight
• Likes to be on Daddy's shoulders - and holds on to his ears or hair
• Has the cutest "excited" moves
• Is very efficient at sliding down the stairs
• Wants to go on walks all the time - primarily because she gets to play with sticks and rocks
• Wants to open everything with keys

It May be Cold Outside...

...but these people melt me!

Seventeen Months

Sariah...

• Pushes chairs around the house so she climb them and get on the counters, table, etc
• Requests dance parties
• Likes to spin in the air again and again and again
• Had a stomach bug that caused vomiting and diarrhea :(
• Waves and says 'hi' to everyone, anywhere
• Is back to her normal sleeping schedule: 7:45pm-8:30am
• Likes to help Dada fix things with a screw driver
• Started hiking on her own and no longer wants to be carried
• Can repeat many words
• Notices sounds of airplanes, trains, dogs, cars and likes to point them out
• Has had a fair share of tumbles with lots of scratches and cuts to prove it
• Likes to draw and color
• Uses her whole body to tell stories
• Asks for a back rub
• Is learning to wink

It Happened to Me

A friend of mine just recently wrote about a few things she learned while cleaning up her son's vomit and while reading her blog post I thought that I was lucky because Sariah had never vomited. Sure, she spit-up after nursing for months, but the clean up was minimal and normally only required a change of onesie or bib.

But today, it happened to me. I mean, it happened to Sariah and so it happened to me as well.

That is right. This post is about one of those not-so-pretty parts of parenthood...

After a few dark and rainy days, I woke up excited that the sun was out and we could finally go on a long walk. I got ready, we had breakfast and I had just changed her diaper, put on her jacket and shoe when she started coughing and I knew more was to come. Sariah vomited all over herself, all over me, all over the carpet and as I rubbed her back and told her she would be okay, I kept thinking: What am I going to do?

I hate vomit.

I have not vomited since I was a small child.

The sight of vomit makes me gag. Really, the thought of vomit makes me gag.

I didn't know what to do, so I prayed aloud.

I took off all my clothes and all her clothes and pilled everything on top of the dirty carpet and proceeded to take care of my little girl.

I am often amazed at the ways parenthood brings me to the feet of Jesus because I cannot do it on my own. It took prayer for me to get over my "I hate vomit" moment and I am so glad that I can pray about big things and things that may even sound silly, like vomit.

Vomit happened all over me today, and as a result I happened to find myself at Jesus' feet asking for the kind of strength I cannot come up with on my own. I praise Jesus that I was somehow able to take care of Sariah and clean everything up without crying or dying.

Mommy and Baby Time

Have I mentioned that I love being a mother?

Well, I really do!

Spending time with this little one is such a gift!

John took these photos - which I love - shortly after we woke up and neither one of us had brushed our hair yet. I hope these candid photos will help me remember the little moments of everyday life that are so precious to me.

Sixteen Months

Sariah...

• Likes to push books on shelves all the way to the back...I am pretty sure librarians don't like us
• Has a favorite new word: NO
• Loved spending time with family and friends over the holidays
• Discovered pomegranates and cannot stop eating them 
• Enjoys watching a few minutes of Curious George now and then
• Is learning to build things with Legos
• Likes to give kisses and hugs
• Has expanded her vocabulary: thank you, up, down, done, baby, bye bye, hat, one
• Can almost jump up and down
• Loves being with lots of people 
• Swims in the bathtub
• Can reach the door knobs and opens doors
• Loves dance parties 

She's Worth It

I have an almost 16 month old who does not stand still for more than two seconds. My little girl has an adventurous spirit and enough energy to climb Mt. Everest. She explores all day long and she likes it when I explore with her.

So, what do I do all day long?

I spend most of my day exploring this world with her.

We go on walks: pick up sticks, leaves and rocks, we say 'hi' to all the kitties and doggies we see, we color, we empty the dishwasher together, we read books (she flips through the pages before I can finish reading one sentence), we dance and we sing, we build towers with Legos and wooden blocks, we fold laundry, we eat yummy things, we play chase, we practice going down the stairs, etc. We do a lot together.

Whenever I leave Sariah with a family member or friend I always come back to hear the same question: "How do you get anything done? She never stops moving!"

The answer to that questions is always: "Well, I don't get much done during the day."

With Sariah's help, I can get a few loads of laundry done, I can load and unload the dishwasher and I can even vacuum at times...but in general, I am not super productive when she is awake and I am okay with that!

You see, I was used to being SUPER productive before I had a baby. I loved writing a To Do list for the week and crossing everything off as I got it all done. I had time to do what I wanted (even though I wished I had more time to do this and that). When Sariah was born, a part of me felt like my life was over. I was frustrated and ashamed to feel that way; after all, aren't mothers supposed to enjoy spending time with their newborns?!?!

I loved being with her from the minute she was born, but I couldn't get anything done that made me feel stressed and useless.

I wanted her to be happy sitting in her bouncy chair so I could clean, cook dinner, finish a photography session, write a few cards, read a few pages, etc. But all she wanted was for me to hold her...and I couldn't even reply to an email when I was holding her.

It didn't take long for me to realize that my desire to be productive was leading me to being frustrated with my baby all day and night long. It was in the middle of a very frustrating moment when I decided that I din't want to be just a mother, I want to be a great mother; a mother who enjoys being with her child. A mother who is able to put the To Do list aside in order to soak up these little years. So I stopped trying to be productive and started enjoying the time I have with my daughter.

I try to get as much as I can during nap time and after bed time, but my home is not as neat and clean as it used to be, the emails sit in my inbox longer than I like, our meals are simpler, I wear make-up for special occasions...but she's worth it! My almost 16 month old will not always want to explore this world with me so I choose to enjoy every minute we have together until then.

Sariah's First Snow

I put some snow in her mouth since she couldn't use her hands...and she wanted more. :)

The driveway was slippery. We need to get some snow shoes! 

Happy girl!

My pink snow bunny.

Watching the cars drive on snow.

She wasn't sure what to do with the snow, but she didn't want to come inside. I say it is time to hit the mountains!!

A New Year and a New Normal?!?

Life has felt a little pretty crazy these last few weeks and I am looking forward to a new year and hopefully a new sense of normalcy.

Almost a month ago, John and I (with the help of a lot of people) packed our things and moved to a new home. Our new home needed some TLC and we will forever be thankful to our family and friends who helped us clean, paint walls, paint doors, fix stuff, etc before we moved. That was a lot of work!

Despite all the help, moving and settling down has still been overwhelming - especially with an active toddler around.

Sariah put her never ending energy to use when we moved and constantly removed things from boxes and spread them everywhere possible.  Whenever I managed to put the belongings from a box in its correct place, I turned around to find everything back on the ground again as Sariah did her own rearranging.

I decided unpacking was only going to happen during nap time and after bed time...but bed time became an issue.

The nights were long as we helped Sariah get used to her new room which she refused to sleep in. Sariah has slept in her own room since she turned two months old, but the new bedroom with new lights and new smells was too different for her. John and I brought her to bed with us and she slept and snored while we tried to keep ourselves from falling off the bed because somehow out little girl takes up a huge amount of bed space when sleeping.

I wished I could go on a 'sleep vacation'...and then I slept even less.

When we felt a little bit more settled, John started having headaches that would not go away despite all our efforts and after 5 days of unbearable pain, we ended up in the ER hoping a CAT Scan would give us hopeful results.

I prayed and I asked God for strength, love, patience and wisdom...He had never failed me before and I trusted Him.

We were thankful to find out that John had an acute sinus infection that needed a little help from antibiotics and while we celebrated his healing and relief of pain, Sariah started teething yet again and spent most of her days crying, biting her fingers and rubbing her snotty face all over me.

I stopped attempting to be productive and spent my days and nights holding and comforting my baby girl...I am still not getting anything done.

Life has been crazy but the Lord has sustained me. He has held everything together when I thought life was going to collapse like a mountain-side landslide. He has helped me get up each morning and be what I need to be during each day.

Life has been crazy and hard but I am hoping for a new sense of normalcy in the new year.

Fifteen Months Old

Sariah...

• Only eats if she gets to use an utensil to feed herself: eating cheerios has become more complicated
• Learned how to go down the stairs by herself
• Makes the cutest 'meow' sound on earth 
• Knocks on the walls looking for studs with uncle Jim
• Likes to put things into boxes
• Slept with mommy and daddy a couple of times while getting used to her knew bedroom
• LOVES cuties clementines
• Has had really dry skin because of the cold despite all of mommy's effort to keep her warm and moisturized
• Saw snow for the first time and did not stop pointing outside
• Is teething yet again

Truth in the Coke Ad

I just watched this coke ad four times in a row because in so many ways it tells the story of my life (although baby #2 is not on its way...at least not yet).

http://www.fastcocreate.com/3023400/this-new-coke-ad-totally-captures-the-reality-of-early-parenthood

Fourteen Months Old

Sariah...

• Went on a long hike (9 miles) and mommy and daddy forgot to bring the carrier
• Is learning to whistle with daddy
• Throws a fit when she doesn't get what she wants - mommy and daddy are working on establishing healthier ways of dealing with frustrations
• Is willing to try different kinds of food: mushroom, olives, sausage, apple sauce...
• Says 'WHOA!' every time something surprising happens
• Had a bad cold that included a couple of day with a fever
• Likes to talk on the phone
• Helps mommy around the house by carrying the clean laundry from the dryer to the bedroom, picks up some toys, throws away her dirty diapers, etc
• Has been drooling a lot - perhaps more teeth are on their way
• Sings with mommy 
• Is trying to spoon feed herself
• Climbs everything
• Really wants to play with the toilet water
• Spends a lot of time in boxes these days as mommy and daddy get ready to move to a new home

Reasons Why My 14 Month Old is Throwing a Fit

• I took the glass lid away from her
• The magnets are all under the fridge because she put them there
• I turned off the water when giving her a bath
• I didn't let her play with the toilet water
• She is tired in her crib, but doesn't want to go to sleep
• I put her sweater on so we could go play outside
• The book does not have more pages
• Her toy ran out of batteries
• I told her she could not play with garbage
• The tissue box is out of tissues
• I didn't let her get inside of the dishwasher
• Daddy closed the fridge and didn't let her hang out in there
• The rock is too heavy for her to carry

This list could go on and on...

Finding Joy in the Mess

My brain works better when things are organized, clean, filed ... I am a better person when everything is in its place and my "TO DO" list has a bunch of things crossed off.

Before I had a baby, my life was neat. I had time to make things pretty and I was always on time.

Before I had a baby, I imagined being able to continue living the same life once the baby arrived. I thought that if I was organized enough, I would still be able to clean, cook, do the laundry (including loads of cloth diapers), work on photography, read my Bible, hang out with friends, go grocery shopping, paint my nails, exercise, spend quality time with my husband, work on crafts, etc.

I didn't know that my world was about to change in the most terrifying and wonderful way.

For a while, I allowed frustration to set in when I couldn't get everything done that I planned to do. My TO DO list kept growing and growing and I kept praying that God would multiply the hours like he multiplied the fish and bread in the Bible.

God didn't multiply the hours, but he provided a community through MOPS that has helped me prioritize what is most important to me. I am learning that life is a beautiful mess and it is time to embrace it!

I looked around my house yesterday and was discouraged by how messy everything looked: clean dishes waiting to be put away, dirty dishes waiting to be cleaned, a load of dirty cloth diapers waiting to be washed, clean clothes waiting to be folded, emails waiting for a response...

I wanted to pack a bag and go out, ignoring all that had to be done, but it was cold and cloudy outside and I didn't have anywhere to go. I had a choice to make: Be grumpy about my current stage of life or embrace it all with a good attitude.

I turned on some worship music (worshiping God always does good to my soul), danced with Sariah while we wore out pajamas and slowly started working on the day's TO DO list. By the end of the day, I had accomplished quite a bit - not everything - and dinner was yummy!

Night time arrived and I was tired, Sariah was tired and John was not going to be home until late, so I decided it was time to have some fun relaxation with my baby girl! I got her in the bathtub and decided to join her. She was so excited to be with me she never even played with her bath toys. We just splashed and practiced whistling and sang songs and gave hugs and kisses. We had a wonderful time!

Our time together is precious and I don't want my life's mess to get in the way of finding joy in this stage of life. Some days are better than others, but I am working on leaning on God and doing the good works that He prepared in advance for me to do!

"For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10

Thirteen Months Old

Sariah...

• Likes to color with crayons
• Kicks her soccer ball around the house and invites others to play with her
• Had a rough month of sleepless nights
• Got her fourth tooth
• Likes to go on walks
• Attempts to say a few words: ball, apple, baby, there, this, that
• Gets a little nervous around animals
• Imitates everything mommy and daddy do
• Washes her own hair during bath time
• Gets excited when we put her shoes on because she knows we are going outside
• Is becoming more caring with her stuffed animals and even puts them to sleep on a pillow
• Plays peekaboo with anyone
• Has great problem solving skills and is very persistent

National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day

I read this post a couple of weeks ago and was deeply impacted by its message.

SUFFERING IN SILENCE NO MORE

'“So what happened last week?” the vendor asked, wondering why I’d disappeared for several days in the middle of a critical deadline. “Did you have the flu?”

“It was…” I trailed off, trying to decide how much I wanted to share with someone who was really more of a professional contact than a friend. “It was…lady stuff.”

Just like that, I slapped a vague label on the most excruciating loss of my life.

Mere days before this conversation took place, I was chipper and dreamy and carrying a baby. Then, in the course of one horrid day, it all unraveled. Now, I found myself sitting back in my office chair, stunned, grieving, and facing an urgent mountain of work.

I pawed my pile listlessly, wondering how the world could go on when mine had surely ended. All around me, keyboards chattered and telephones rang. Coworkers eyed me suspiciously, clearly not buying my excuse that I was ambiguously under the weather.

I’d just lost a baby. And it had dropped me into a hell of despair so deep that it hurt just to breathe.

So, why was I keeping it a secret?

Miscarriage is death. It brings with it all the agonizing grief that comes with losing a loved one. But miscarriage is also a taboo topic. It’s the very reason that we hide our pregnancies during those first dicey months, fretfully waiting for the danger to abate before making any announcements.

When bad news comes, couples that lose a pregnancy tend to mourn in secret, telling only close friends and family about their loss.

There are no funerals. No memorials. You don’t get sympathy cards and bereavement time. Instead, routines go on, and you take sick days.

We reduce a miracle to a topic not fit for polite conversation.

An estimated one in seven pregnancies ends in miscarriage. Each year in the U.S. alone, over 700,000 babies don’t survive to be born. Millions of people must be mourning them. So, where are they?

As a society, we let ourselves believe the lie that miscarriage is a minor event in a woman’s life. “It happens all the time,” people tell you, as if knowledge of its frequency will put the loss in perspective. (Imagine giving that same line to someone who just lost a grandparent.)

“It really wasn’t a baby yet” is another line people glibly offer. Or, “You hardly even knew you were pregnant.”

I ultimately had two miscarriages, both at about 10 weeks. Both times, I knew I was pregnant for nearly two months.

That’s a lot of mornings to wake up enchanted that there’s a child growing inside you. It’s many long afternoons of fatigue, strange cravings, and nausea. It’s countless cups of decaf coffee and glasses of wine declined. It’s 60 prenatal vitamins.

I don’t blame society for being so callous about pregnancy loss. If nobody ever tells people how much it hurts, how are they to know that miscarriage is such a big deal? Why shouldn’t they think that it is no worse than blowing a job interview or having your team lose the big game?

As with so many verboten topics, perhaps the answer is simply for people to be more open. To stop pretending that if we ignore miscarriage, it won’t hurt.

Years later, I still think about that miserable afternoon at work and how much easier it would have been if I’d just exhaled the truth. If I could have let people say, “I’m so sorry.” If I hadn’t had to pretend that it was a normal day even as I was in the grips of soul-swallowing grief.

Because the only thing worse than losing something that meant the world to you is pretending that you lost nothing."


Author
- Jody Pratt


Please re-share for your friends and family. Hopefully it will help this taboo topic, be taboo no longer. So many women, men, and even others close to the couple, have experienced this heartbreaking pain alone.


VIsit Jodi's words here:
http://www.babble.com/pregnancy/coping-with-miscarriage-pregnancy-secret/

Sleepless Nights

I did not read a whole lot about sleep training a baby when I was pregnant, but I did spend a lot of time praying that God would bless me with a child that loves to sleep. My prayers were inspired by the fact that I cannot function without sleep. I pretty much become Godzilla when I don't sleep well for a couple of nights in a row. 

The newborn days were hard because babies have no concept of time and want to nurse every 2 minutes 2 hours. I felt constantly tired and wondered if I was ever going to feel like a normal human being again. 

God heard my prayers and Sariah started sleeping through the night when she was 2 months old. I felt like a new person the morning I woke up and realized I had slept a whole night without any interruptions. 

I wish I could say that Sariah continued to be a great sleeper...but the reality tells a different story. 

This past summer, Sariah got a cold and then she got a couple of teeth and then she got Roseola and as a result, woke up multiple times a night. I let her nurse as much as she wanted because she felt comforted and safe. When she got all better, I expected her to go back to her old sleep patterns but it never happened. Sariah continued to wake up once a night to nurse and while I was slightly annoyed, I figured that getting up once a night for 10 minutes was not bad. 

Our little sleeper turned one year old three weeks ago and for some unknown reason, decided to start a new sleeping routine which includes hours of screaming in the middle of the night. Sariah goes down to sleep just fine and wakes up at 3:00AM screaming. I always let her nurse and put her back in her crib, but she continues to scream for the next 2.5 hours. John and I are SO tired! 

For 2.5 hours I sit in her room, encouraging her to lay down, assuring her that she is okay, telling her it is night-night time... while praying for supernatural patience and love. 

These last couple of weeks have been extremely challenging to me and I can truly say that my prayer life is very active. 

I keep hoping that tonight will be different and that this is just a stage, but sometimes when I am up for hours in the middle of the night, I start wondering if it is going to be like this forever. My logical self reminds me that Sariah will eventually sleep through the night again, but my emotional and tired self whispers that if this is the new normal, our child is never going to have a sibling because I can't handle having another child that will keep me up like this. 

I am being reminded almost constantly that I need to lean on God for strength. I am thankful that the Spirit reminds me that I can find rest in the arms of my Father. 

Sariah's First Birthday

Every day with Sariah has been a gift and we are so thankful God has given her to us as a daughter!

God also blessed us with a beautiful day to celebrate Sariah when there was 90% chance of rain! We enjoyed time with friends and family and missed friends and family who were not able to join us.

 We pray for many celebrations in the future!