A New Year and a New Normal?!?

Life has felt a little pretty crazy these last few weeks and I am looking forward to a new year and hopefully a new sense of normalcy.

Almost a month ago, John and I (with the help of a lot of people) packed our things and moved to a new home. Our new home needed some TLC and we will forever be thankful to our family and friends who helped us clean, paint walls, paint doors, fix stuff, etc before we moved. That was a lot of work!

Despite all the help, moving and settling down has still been overwhelming - especially with an active toddler around.

Sariah put her never ending energy to use when we moved and constantly removed things from boxes and spread them everywhere possible.  Whenever I managed to put the belongings from a box in its correct place, I turned around to find everything back on the ground again as Sariah did her own rearranging.

I decided unpacking was only going to happen during nap time and after bed time...but bed time became an issue.

The nights were long as we helped Sariah get used to her new room which she refused to sleep in. Sariah has slept in her own room since she turned two months old, but the new bedroom with new lights and new smells was too different for her. John and I brought her to bed with us and she slept and snored while we tried to keep ourselves from falling off the bed because somehow out little girl takes up a huge amount of bed space when sleeping.

I wished I could go on a 'sleep vacation'...and then I slept even less.

When we felt a little bit more settled, John started having headaches that would not go away despite all our efforts and after 5 days of unbearable pain, we ended up in the ER hoping a CAT Scan would give us hopeful results.

I prayed and I asked God for strength, love, patience and wisdom...He had never failed me before and I trusted Him.

We were thankful to find out that John had an acute sinus infection that needed a little help from antibiotics and while we celebrated his healing and relief of pain, Sariah started teething yet again and spent most of her days crying, biting her fingers and rubbing her snotty face all over me.

I stopped attempting to be productive and spent my days and nights holding and comforting my baby girl...I am still not getting anything done.

Life has been crazy but the Lord has sustained me. He has held everything together when I thought life was going to collapse like a mountain-side landslide. He has helped me get up each morning and be what I need to be during each day.

Life has been crazy and hard but I am hoping for a new sense of normalcy in the new year.

Sleepless Nights

I did not read a whole lot about sleep training a baby when I was pregnant, but I did spend a lot of time praying that God would bless me with a child that loves to sleep. My prayers were inspired by the fact that I cannot function without sleep. I pretty much become Godzilla when I don't sleep well for a couple of nights in a row. 

The newborn days were hard because babies have no concept of time and want to nurse every 2 minutes 2 hours. I felt constantly tired and wondered if I was ever going to feel like a normal human being again. 

God heard my prayers and Sariah started sleeping through the night when she was 2 months old. I felt like a new person the morning I woke up and realized I had slept a whole night without any interruptions. 

I wish I could say that Sariah continued to be a great sleeper...but the reality tells a different story. 

This past summer, Sariah got a cold and then she got a couple of teeth and then she got Roseola and as a result, woke up multiple times a night. I let her nurse as much as she wanted because she felt comforted and safe. When she got all better, I expected her to go back to her old sleep patterns but it never happened. Sariah continued to wake up once a night to nurse and while I was slightly annoyed, I figured that getting up once a night for 10 minutes was not bad. 

Our little sleeper turned one year old three weeks ago and for some unknown reason, decided to start a new sleeping routine which includes hours of screaming in the middle of the night. Sariah goes down to sleep just fine and wakes up at 3:00AM screaming. I always let her nurse and put her back in her crib, but she continues to scream for the next 2.5 hours. John and I are SO tired! 

For 2.5 hours I sit in her room, encouraging her to lay down, assuring her that she is okay, telling her it is night-night time... while praying for supernatural patience and love. 

These last couple of weeks have been extremely challenging to me and I can truly say that my prayer life is very active. 

I keep hoping that tonight will be different and that this is just a stage, but sometimes when I am up for hours in the middle of the night, I start wondering if it is going to be like this forever. My logical self reminds me that Sariah will eventually sleep through the night again, but my emotional and tired self whispers that if this is the new normal, our child is never going to have a sibling because I can't handle having another child that will keep me up like this. 

I am being reminded almost constantly that I need to lean on God for strength. I am thankful that the Spirit reminds me that I can find rest in the arms of my Father. 

Fling Wide

I am choosing to trust God today when I am really tempted to rely on my own strength. I am asking that He would fling wide the door to my heart.

I Won't Give Up

I have been praying, thinking and reading a lot about marriage lately. Over the past few years, I  have seen many friends get married, others end their marriage and some work as hard as they can to make it work.

I am convinced that marriage is one of the hardest gifts God has given us and yet it can be so pure and beautiful. I will probably be sharing more about what I have been learning as a wife - but today, I wanted to share a song that caught my attention lately.

A few weeks ago I was home late at night while John was at a Bible Study. I was listening to a Pandora station, editing a few photo sessions when the song "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz came on.

Those words stuck to me because I struggle with perseverance when things are hard. It is just so much easier to give up than it is to fight through different circumstances and become stronger and wiser. But I believe that God did not create me to be a quitter. The first Bible verse I ever memorized as a child was Philippians 4:13 - "I can so all things though Him who gives me strength."

I don't want to give up when things get hard. I want to persevere in all areas of life and know that I did my very best and relied on God's strength and not my own.

"I Won't Give Up"
By Jason Mraz

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Thankful for our Daily Bread

Before John and I were even married, we talked a lot about being good stewards of the financial resources God has entrusted us with. Over the years life has changed and we have tweaked our budget here and there, but we have tried to live a simple life in order to have the freedom to give back to God as He calls us.

This past month, we made some necessary purchases and some unwise purchases that lead to a lack of money in the grocery/household account when we were only two weeks into the month! I wasn't sure if we were going to be able to stick to the budget, but I tried to be optimistic. We had quite a few things in the freezer and our pantry was well stocked. I had to be a bit more creative with meal planning and we had simpler dinners...but here we are at the end of the month and our budget will be reset tomorrow!

While I am extremely thankful that we will soon be able to go shopping again, I have to admit that the past few days has given me a new appreciation to the Lord's prayer - specifically the part about how God gives us our daily bread. I realized as I read Sariah's baby bible this week that it is so much harder to be thankful when we have plenty. Actually, I am not sure if it is harder to be thankful or if it is just easier to forget to be thankful. I have always been thankful for the food we are blessed with because I have seen true hunger. I praise God every time I come home from a trip to Costco with a box full of milk, cheese, bananas, beans, etc. However, I felt more thankful this week than I have in a long time. This week I was also able to be very specific in my prayers: "Thank you, God, for this package of smoked salmon and the four tomatoes I will use to make pasta sauce." As the end of the month approached we had less and less meal options and I became more and more thankful for every meal.

From here on, I want to live a more thankful life! I don't want to only think about the blessings God has showered upon us during Thanksgiving. I want to be thankful when we have plenty and when we don't. Praise God for his provision!

Outings with a Baby

For the first 4 weeks of Sariah's life, I was terrified of going anywhere with her on my own. I was afraid she was going to get hungry while we were out and I felt like I could not nurse in public because I didn't know how to nurse using a cover...and I could not nurse without the help of a boppy and a second pillow. I was afraid of forgetting something important like diapers/wipes. I was afraid she was going to start crying and I wouldn't know what to do to calm her down. Needless to say, we spent a LOT of time at home. It helped that it was cold and rainy outside, but I am an extrovert and my 'people bucket' was completely empty.

I missed having a reason to get dressed in the morning. I missed seeing people. I missed having conversations with adults.

This past week, I made myself get out of the house with her even though my fears had not diminished. My first outing was to the grocery store (we were out of food after 4 weeks of no grocery store trips). I walked in the grocery store carrying Sariah in her car seat, a diaper bag and a few reusable shopping bags. I got everything on my lists as fast as I could and headed back to the car. Sariah was napping, so I decided to head over to a park and look for the best places for an upcoming Family Photoshoot. I put Sariah in the Moby Wrap and walked around, completely enjoying the Autumn colors and the fresh air. I still wished I had a walking buddy with me - but it felt good to be outside.

So far, Sariah and I have been to a potluck, a coffee shop and we even ventured out to a pumpkin patch with some friends from our birth class.

While going out with my little girl alone still makes me nervous, I am starting to feel more comfortable being with her and slowly but surely life is becoming a bit more normal!

These Last Pregnancy Days

I am about to enter week 39…and I feel as though I may explode before week 40 gets here. I am a little nervous Sariah will not come until week 42, but I am also trying to convince myself to be patient and trust that she will come when she is ready.

 Now days, it is hard to accomplish pretty much anything. Little tasks like washing the dishes seem like a huge adventure and I have to sit down and rest afterwards. Needless to say, I feel exhausted at the end of the day when I go on a 2.5 mile walk, do the laundry, clean the bathroom (including the bathtub), vacuum, cook dinner and wash the dishes. I don’t know how women survive these last pregnancy days when they have other little ones to take care of all day. Seriously, how do you do it?

 I also don’t know what I would do without John. He has encouraged me to take baths, nap during the day (I can’t ever nap during the day), continue going on walks … and I love it when he offers to rub my feet at night! He also puts up with my moodiness, exhausted complaints about how my whole body hurts, helps me get up to go to the bathroom at night and constantly tells me that I look absolutely beautiful when I am wearing sweatpants, a t-shirt that no longer covers my belly and my hair is everywhere from lack of brushing. I am a lucky woman!

 Despite the tiredness and discomfort, I am oh so happy to know that I will be meeting my daughter very soon! The fact that we are going to be parents still feels like a dream. We are blessed beyond measure and I cannot believe God has entrusted us this little life. I am so humbled and thankful!!!

The Art of Juggling as a Man

One Step at a Time

I went on a real hike for the first time 6 summers ago while in Alaska. I didn’t know what to expect and was not prepared physically or mentally for what was ahead. At the time, I thought we (a group of friends) were going on an easy 30 minute stroll…so I thought I would definitely be able to make it.

Well, 30 minutes turned into an hour and then two hours and then I decided I couldn’t handle it anymore since I couldn’t even see the top of this mountain.

I sat down on a rock and announced to the group of friends that I was just going to sit there and enjoy the view from where I was. My plan was to wait for the group to come back down and hike down together. In my mind that was a perfect plan…but the group didn’t feel the same way. To tell you the truth, I don’t remember much more other than the fact that one of the guys present told me to get on his back (as if I was his backpack) and he carried me to the top of Mount Ripinsky. To this day – more than six years later – I still cannot believe that happened. Someone carried me up a mountain.

The good news is that in the past six years, I have become a bit more used to hiking! My legs know what to expect when I put on my wool socks and hiking boots. My lungs no longer struggle the way they used to only 20 minutes after leaving the trailhead. My brain is more prepared to push through when my legs are tired. I can now focus on the goal without panicking that I may not be able to take another upward step.

This past weekend, John and I went on a hike that gave me the opportunity to really focus in order to make it. The hike was not very hard, but it had some pretty steep parts with lots of tree roots and rocks. It was a warm day and I am 7 months pregnant. Before starting the hike I told John that I was afraid of not being able to do it. I was afraid of being tired 20 minutes into it. I was afraid of sitting on the side of the trail ready to give up like I have done before.

John was very encouraging and told me we could go slow, focusing on one step at a time. That is just how I did this whole hike: focusing on one step at a time, allowing myself to become aware of my surroundings - the sounds, the landscape, my breathing and posture.

John led the way at a pace I could follow (he leads because I am terrified of snakes…so he gets the snakes out of the way before I arrive) and up I went; one step at a time.

I was definitely tired by the time we got to the top and I also REALLY needed to pee! We rested for a little bit, ate a snack and headed back down. By the time we got back to our car, I felt like my legs were going to detach from my body, but I felt like I had accomplished a milestone. I didn’t panic and I was never really tempted to sit on the side of the trail (especially knowing there were snakes around). I was able to focus on one step at a time and follow John’s lead. I did something I didn’t think I could do and I was so happy to experience this accomplishment with John!

During the hike, we talked about how hiking seems to be somewhat similar to the process of giving birth. As we prepare ourselves to the day when we get to welcome our little girl, we are exploring ways to work as a team when it is time to focus on one step at a time. While I have no idea what Sariah’s birth will be like, I am looking forward to working as a team with John and feeling like we accomplished a great milestone together!

So Thankful!

I wrote here that I was going to share a little bit about how the Lord has been our provider this past year.  Well, the more I think about it, the more thankful I become. Are you ready to be thankful with me?

·         I am thankful for another year of life: 25 happened to come and go really fast…26, here I come in a few weeks!

·         I am thankful for John’s new job which he loves and has lots of opportunities to grow.

·         I am thankful for the friends who housed John for a few months before we moved to a new city.

·         I am thankful for a patient husband who loves me despite my many breakdowns this past year.

·         I am thankful for three years of marriage: this was a hard year full of changes and challenges yet it was wonderful to stand with the one I love in the hard moments.

·         I am thankful for the photography opportunities that have just landed on my lap (or in my inbox).

·         I am thankful for the opportunities to see dear friends get married.

·         I am thankful for friends who were willing to help us pack all our belongings and magically make it all fit in a UHaul.

·         I am thankful for the friends who helped us unpack the UHaul.

·         I am thankful for beautiful waterfalls and many amazing hiking trails in the Pacific Northwest.

·         I am thankful for the opportunity to photograph my first wedding with my lovely husband. We are a great team!

·         I am thankful for the time John and I have had to read together.

·         I am thankful for Gluten-Free recipes.

·         I am thankful for friends who have reached out to us during our lonely days in a new city.

·         I am thankful for skype and the way I can chat with friends who are far away geographically but very close to my heart!

·         I am thankful for the way God has provided financially so that John and I could pay off all our debt. Praise God for a debt free time of life!

·         I am thankful for a husband that spent hours after work helping me create a new photography website.

·         I am thankful for my new photography website. Go check it out and feel free to leave some love: daniellynobile.com

·         I am thankful for family and wish we lived closer to all our relatives.

·         I am thankful for sermons that speak to my heart!

Above all,  I am thankful for a loving and compassionate God who calls me his own! He continues to shower me with gifts and love when I do not deserve it and I will forever be thankful for His faithfulness.

Click here to see my thanksgiving list from last year!

Is Christianity Hard or Easy?

I recently wrote about how I have failed at spending time with God on a daily basis - and as a result, my heart has not been filled with joy.

John and I committed to doing a devotional together. We are going through the Devotional Classics, Selected Readings for Individuals and Groups. This devotional is made of chapters written by different authors such as C.S. Lewis, Dallas Willard, Jonathan Edwards, Francis de Sales, etc.

Yesterday, we read about Giving All to Jesus.

In Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis says this about the question: How much of Myself Must I Give?

"If you are really going to try to meet all the demands made on the natural self, it will not have enough let over to live on. The more you obey your conscience, the more your conscience will demand of you. And your natural self, which is thus being starved and hampered and worried at every turn, will get angrier and angrier.

In the end, you will either give up trying to be good, or else become one of those people who, as they say, "live for others" but always in a discontented, grumbling way - always wondering why the others do not  notice it more and always making a martyr of yourself. And once you have become that you will be a far greater pest to anyone who has to live with you than you would have been if you had remained frankly selfish."

The pursuit of personal happiness by being morally good, says Lewis, ends in frustration.

This is such a great reminder that I cannot give part of myself to Christ and expect life to go on smoothly. Christ says, "Give me all" - and when I obey I can do all things through Him. If I try to live on my own, being morally good, I will only end up frustrated.

Once again I will say: I need more of Jesus!

I am Trying to Ignore the Mess

Yesterday, John and I brought home about 30 boxes, packing paper and tape. We have created box labels, wrapped candle holders, packed books and looked into renting an UHall truck for the big move. I still can’t believe we are moving. I didn’t think denial would be so stubborn, but some days I seriously think that this is all a dream. But then I remember that we have signed a lease to an apartment up North, we are looking for wonderful renters and our current home is completely upside down.

Folks, my home is such a mess! Everything is out of order and I keep wanting to put things back in their correct places instead of packing them into boxes. Seeing everything on the floors, counter tops, and couches makes me feel like my brain is disorganized.

But in my heart, I am thankful for God’s faithfulness and I trust that this move in part of His great plan for us!

A Steadfast Spirit

My heart has been heavy, so heavy I can hardly breathe at times.

I have been struggling with loneliness, confusion, sadness…My heart is full of worries and all of me is exhausted. I often wish I could just pack a suitcase and go somewhere where I can rest my body, mind, heart and soul.

I know these feelings do not come from the Lord, but I am having such a hard time overcoming my brokenness.

I feel like I am fighting myself – this is a spiritual battle that is consuming all my energy. In my weariness I want to give up, but I know that the Lord has a plan for me (a plan I do not understand).

I want to live, knowing that my hope is in Him – and Him alone.

So, this is my prayer today:

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51:10-12

May he grant me a steadfast spirit. May my heart be filled with joy, and may I be sustained by Him alone!