Five
years ago John asked me to be his girlfriend – a decision that forever changed our
lives!
As
you may have guessed, I said “yes”…we dated for a while…he proposed to me, I
said “yes” again…and we have been married for a bit over three years.
I
love John more today than I could have imagined five years ago, and every life
experience we have faced together has brought us closer to each other.
Our
relationship is far from perfect; by the grace of God we continue to learn to
love, forgive, admit our faults and strive to grow as a result of new
challenges.
We
presently face the challenge of living in a city without the community we were
used to. Our day to day routine is simple and we miss seeing friends on a
regular basis, game nights, dinners and church. For the past few months, we
have been a community of two – and at times, our frustrations have led to humbling
moments in our marriage.
This
morning John sent me a blog post that pretty much summarizes the story of our
relationship. The post comes from the blog: The Generous Husband.
“Marriage is like this: You are so excited, you get married, and when you
open the box that contains your new marriage, you find a thousand pieces and a
note that says “Some assembly required”. Even worse, the instructions are not
in a language you even recognize, and the pictures are so poor you are not sure
they show parts in your box. Okay, go out there and live happily ever after!
If your parents have a great marriage, her parents have a great marriage,
and you are in a church full of supportive folks with great marriages, you can
probably figure out how to assemble the parts. For the other 99% of us, that
box of marriage parts is more scary than exciting.
Unfortunately, most couples are too shy or too embarrassed to seek help,
figuring they can muddle through and put together a reasonable marriage on
their own. The longer they do it on their own, the less willing they are to
admit they need help. They build mistakes on mistakes, creating a marriage that
cannot work right, and that becomes more and more difficult to manage.
There is no shame in not having a clue, especially given the fact we live in
a society that is generally clueless about marriage. If your problems are
small, get help now before they become big. If the problems are already big,
get help before they destroy the marriage. If things are not too bad, spending
time with a couple with a good sound marriage may be all you need. If you need
more help than that,
PLEASE find a way. I hear repeatedly from
couples who say they can’t afford counseling. Here’s the real truth – it won’t
cost as much as a divorce, and it won’t mess your kids up. If your marriage is
worth it, you will find a way.
One other warning – you may have to change much of what you have already
done. If you had worked on an “assembly required” project and made a mistake
early on, the only way to assemble it correctly would be to undo back to the
mistake; marriage is much the same. Don’t cut corners, do what it takes to have
a great marriage.”
Like many people, John and I made promises we didn’t understand when we got
married. In some ways we are still learning what those promises meant. We have
been gifted with parents that honor their marriage and for the past five years
we were surrounded with a community of individuals that poured love and wisdom
into our lives.
The past five years have been an amazing
rollercoaster ride and it would not have been as great without those who have
invested in our lives.
I pray that God will once again bless us with the
community we need to face the challenges that shall come in the next five
years!
John Nobile, thank you for asking me to be your
girlfriend five years ago! I would say “yes” all over again in a heartbeat.
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