Oceans

God totally met with me today as I declared these words to Him.

HILLSONG UNITED LYRICS

"Oceans (Where Feet May Fail)"

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior
[x6]

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

Afraid to Hope and Trust

God has been revealing some areas of my heart that need to be transformed and while I am excited to grow and become more like Jesus, it is overwhelming to think about it at times.

I am not sure exactly when this happened, or perhaps it happened a little at a time, but I have found that sometime in the past 8 years I steered away from hope and therefore steered away from trusting God. I have become afraid of hoping because things might not turn out the way I hoped and I have not trusted God at times because He may have different plans that I don't know or don't understand. I have promoted myself as the captain of my ship and determined to navigate where I thought best. However, being a captain of ones life is tiring and I am tired of attempting to figure it all out on my own.

It is time to step down from my self promotion and allow God to be God in my life. It is time to trust that He has perfect plans for me and for my family. It is time to hope with my whole heart, knowing that hoping passionately is exhilarating and heart-breaking at the same time...and that is how it should be.

Today I declare myself ready to embark on a journey toward the unknown and my Spirit giggles with anticipation because God is about to exercise my trust-muscles.

Eleven Months Old

Sariah...

• Got her first tooth
• Can stand up without holding on to anything
• Likes different kinds of food: fruit, eggs, beans. cheerios, pasta, bread, celery 
• Makes barking noises when she sees a dog or a train or a bird...
• Likes the splash pad at parks
• Started drinking goat milk 
• Wants to climb everything
• Is not a fan of spending hours and hours in the car
• Took her first steps without any help
• Is quite the adventurer and seems to have no fear
• Loves to vacuum with mommy
• Got Roseola and went through some rough days and nights with high fever
• Points at all kinds of objects and wants us to tell her their name
• Likes to empty contents out of bags, drawers. baskets, cans, etc
• Has learned to say 'all done' and 'amen' with body language

Darkness

I am afraid of a lot of things, but I am terrified of snakes. It doesn't matter if the snake is small and skinny. It doesn't matter if it is poisonous or not. I am terrified of all snakes. 

While I have been aware of my Ophidiophobia, I recently discovered that I am also not a fan of darkness. I am not talking about the normal darkness one encounters at night time. I am talking about complete darkness. Blackness everywhere.

I went on a hike with family and friends a few weeks ago to the Ape Caves, also known as Mt. St. Helens lava tube. I had never been inside a cave before and I had no idea we were going to be hiking inside the caves. John had told me to wear warm clothes and we all had a flashlight, but I thought we were hiking to some cave and exploring it for a bit. 

We parked outside of the Ape Caves, I situated Sariah in the Ergo, made sure I had my flashlight and walked toward the cave. I went down the metal stairs and turned on my flashlight because I already couldn't see much down there. I took a few steps forward and wanted to turn around, walk up the stairs and be done with the experience. I fought my feelings and told myself that I needed to give my eyes a bit of time to adjust to the dark and everything was going to be fine. I continued to walk forward, climbing rocks while my body felt cold and hot at the same time. 

It didn't take much time for me to come to the conclusion that my eyes were not going to adjust to the present darkness...because there was truly no light in the cave to adjust to. I was tense and cold and hot and I kelp talking about how much I was hating every minute in the cave. Sariah started crying, not because she was bothered by the darkness and she was well bundled, so I knew she was warm enough, but she could feel my stress. In the middle of a cave, I unstrapped the carrier and handed it and Sariah to John - baby girl hardly made a sound when she was close to her daddy. 

I decided that since natural light was most likely not going to magically appear inside the cave, I had to get to the other side as fast as I could. I didn't take the time to look around and I didn't want to experience any more darkness, but as we moved more into the cave and got ahead of another group of hikers, John told us to turn off our flashlights. We all did and I stood in one of the darkest places on earth. It felt like there was no light in the universe. It felt lonely and cold. It felt empty and scary. It felt lifeless. 

I remembered the story of creation in the Bible and thought about the moment God created light. "And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day." Genesis 1:3-5

I also remembered that God calls his children to be light in the world. "You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:14-16

Hiking the Ape Caves was not one of my favorite life experiences, but it sure taught me about the importance and beauty of light in an unforgettable way.

***John took all the photos - I was too focused on getting to the other side of the caves to see anything noteworthy.

Anniversary #5

John and I celebrated our fifth anniversary last Friday!

We drove to Vancouver, left Sariah with John's parents, packed a few things and headed to a resort where we enjoyed a couples massage and delicious seafood dinner. We talked about how fast the past five years came and went and we commented that at the same time, it feels like we have been together for all our lives.

I read a few letters John gave me when he proposed and we giggled because in some ways we still can't believe we get to be husband and wife right now and always.

I feel so blessed to be married to my John! He has brought so much joy to my life. He has seen my best and my worst and he chooses to still love me. He has made me a mother and I look forward to being his bride for the years to come.

The words below truly describe our relationship and I hope to never forget cherish the gift God has given me.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

New International Version (NIV)

9 Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
10 If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
    But how can one keep warm alone?
12 Though one may be overpowered,
    two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ten Months Old

Sariah...

• Sings along to worship songs in her own language
• Crosses her legs when in her carseat
• Likes eggs
• Giggles when we play with her ball
• Lets go of the furniture and stands on her own
• Is learning to say 'tia' - aunt in Portuguese
• Likes to dump everything from the recycle bin
• Walks with the help of a walker
• Has lots to say these days
• Likes to be with other little ones
• Does not put her knees down when crawling outdoors 
• Gives 'high five'
• Enjoys a yummy smoothie everyday
• Tries to feed mommy with a spoon when she is eating

Fling Wide

I am choosing to trust God today when I am really tempted to rely on my own strength. I am asking that He would fling wide the door to my heart.